You know how those novelty shops (Spencer's, et. al.), as if required
by some obscure law, all carry those cutesy keychains with various
sayings on them? Well, I happen to know that in your deepest innermost
desire, you really wanted a list of those ever so witty sayings.  So,
without further ado...


--  I need more money, power, and less SHIT from you people.
--  We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
--  Discourage inbreeding; ban country music.
--  Life is short.  Don't be a dick.
--  Yoo hoo!!  Here I am, at the bottom of your purse!
--  Starlight Starbright where the hell is Mr.Right
--  To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group
--  I majored in liberal arts, would you like fries w/that.
--  I majored in philosophy,  would you like fries w/that.
--  I want my man to have a VCR: Very Cute Rear
--  I have PMS and a gun. Did you have something to say?
--  I'm 17.  Give me your credit cards, give me your keys and get
      out of my way.
--  I haven't found Mr Right but i have found Mr Cheap, Mr SLeazy
      and Mr Wrong
--  You're just jealous cause the voices talk to me.
--  It's Miss Bitch to you.
--  Lost your cat?  Look under my tires.
--  How do you keep an idot amused?  Turn over. . .  (on both sides
      of keychain)
--  I suffer from PMS... Putting up with Men's Shit
--  I am so good in bed that when i have sex even the neighbors need
      a cigarette.
--  If you're rich, I'm single.
--  Men suffer from PMS too... Pretending to be Macho Studs
--  If you shower in your clothes, it shows you're crazy. If you
      shower nude, it show's your nuts!!!
--  I'm immature, unorganized, irresponsible, lazy, and LOUD... but
      I'm FUN.
--  If you don't like my driving, then get off the sidewalk!
--  If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna piss you off. - or - If
      it has tires or tits, it's gonna piss you off.
--  Behind every great man is a great woman, and behind every great
      woman is some guy staring at her ass!
--  Bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass
--  Birthdays only come once a year... aren't you glad you're not a
      birthday?
--  Give me a quarter or I'll touch you!
--  To some it's half empty, To some it's half full.  To me it's
      time for a beer run!
--  (Written in really tiny writing) Nosey little fucker, aren't
      you?
--  (This is a visual gag.  It's a condom inside plastic with the
      caption) "In case of emergency, break glass." (What's really funny is
      in tiny writing underneath) "Not recommended for use"
--  I am so broke, I can't even pay attention.
--  I am not a BITCH...     I am *the* BITCH.
--  We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
--  I was put on this planet to make your life miserable.
--  I'm in touch with my inner bitch.
--  I am trying to graduate college with a 4.0 (blood alcohol
      level).
--  I do what the voices in my head tell me.
--  Looking for Mr. Right *crossed out* Mr. Wonderful *crossed out*
      Mr. Coffee!
--  Heartbreaker, looking for next victim.
--  In God we trust.  All others we monitor.
--  That dress just screams Crack Whore.
--  Not all women are annoying... some are dead.
--  The nuns made me dress this way.
--  You!  Out of the gene pool!
--  You must be this tall to ride this ride.